You don't know how easy it is to love you. How could I not?!
Some would say when you love to love, it’s impossible to separate the act
of loving from the person that you’re actually supposed to love.
They would say I'm too much in love with the idea of love to actually know what I want.
I never knew what they meant, but i knew i loved to love.
When I met my current love, I thought I had been in love before. In fact, I was positive of it. of course I had been in love before.
There was only one relationship that stood out from the masses of little flings, and for a time, he was my world. We met when I was in college (and there were so many signs of different horizons that would eventually be the pitfall of our short-lived romance). And we developed our own little cocoon which quickly meant everything to me.
I had grown up with a happy home life, two parents that met, fell in love, and then stayed together. I had an (albeit naive) perspective that when you meet the right person, you fall in love, and that’s that.
I never doubted him for a minute; I trusted the process and I let myself settle into having someone.
Looking back across the years that we have now not spoken, i can vouch that I had gone through so many tumultuous emotional moments in my life. But clarity had surfaced a couple of years ago. And today I have no other way to describe our time together but fearful.
Fear of being alone. Fear I had made a mistake. Fear that if he left it was because I was unlovable, that there was something wrong with me. It took a while to get over that, becoming a shell of my authentic self. i no longer knew how to just be.
Then came you. all of you. you have no idea how easy it was to love you, and how much that scared me. How I could not resist, i couldn't walk away. there was something about your heart that spoke to me. something about your gentle demeanor that kept bringing me back .
And then the strangest thing happened: I started to feel these feelings that I had never felt before.
I didn’t just love the idea of you or the companionship of being together, but I adored the person that you are. I know I gave you a hard time in the beginning. Becoming un-trusting and difficult, attacking out of nowhere. The naive trust that I had so long ago got used up and beaten up by the wrong person. Through it all, you held my hand, assured me and loved me. And I thank you for that.
How easy indeed it is to be with you, to love you, to talk to you.
How could I not?!
With lipstick,
Fearess
xoxo
They would say I'm too much in love with the idea of love to actually know what I want.
I never knew what they meant, but i knew i loved to love.
When I met my current love, I thought I had been in love before. In fact, I was positive of it. of course I had been in love before.
There was only one relationship that stood out from the masses of little flings, and for a time, he was my world. We met when I was in college (and there were so many signs of different horizons that would eventually be the pitfall of our short-lived romance). And we developed our own little cocoon which quickly meant everything to me.
I had grown up with a happy home life, two parents that met, fell in love, and then stayed together. I had an (albeit naive) perspective that when you meet the right person, you fall in love, and that’s that.
I never doubted him for a minute; I trusted the process and I let myself settle into having someone.
Looking back across the years that we have now not spoken, i can vouch that I had gone through so many tumultuous emotional moments in my life. But clarity had surfaced a couple of years ago. And today I have no other way to describe our time together but fearful.
Fear of being alone. Fear I had made a mistake. Fear that if he left it was because I was unlovable, that there was something wrong with me. It took a while to get over that, becoming a shell of my authentic self. i no longer knew how to just be.
Then came you. all of you. you have no idea how easy it was to love you, and how much that scared me. How I could not resist, i couldn't walk away. there was something about your heart that spoke to me. something about your gentle demeanor that kept bringing me back .
And then the strangest thing happened: I started to feel these feelings that I had never felt before.
I didn’t just love the idea of you or the companionship of being together, but I adored the person that you are. I know I gave you a hard time in the beginning. Becoming un-trusting and difficult, attacking out of nowhere. The naive trust that I had so long ago got used up and beaten up by the wrong person. Through it all, you held my hand, assured me and loved me. And I thank you for that.
How easy indeed it is to be with you, to love you, to talk to you.
How could I not?!
With lipstick,
Fearess
xoxo
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