Overwhelming breakthroughs of a Pre- 23 Year old

Its a countdown of almost 48 hours till midnight tomorrow. Can you feel me embracing it? making peace with the fact? as opposed to my previous post where i was insidiously(to myself) leading myself to believe i was depressed.

Yes, Yes yes...and a big string of NOs.

Like the title suggests I am turning 23. It is one of an Odd feeling that I feel younger than I did last year(ironic much?) this number (23) gives me comfort because at this age I feel wiser, beautiful, essentially more successful than I did last year. I have achieved quite a milestone in the past year, done things I thought I Should have put off for later, however circumstances co-erced me to oblige with my dreams. Would you have resisted?
But most importantly I believed in myself.

** Correction, went back to believing in myself. It is so easy to self doubt, yet harder to validate your self and actions. you tend to underestimate yourself. Sometimes I was very hard on myself, so hard that I would have prepared for failure just so when I failed it would feel like it was a decision I made. & Guess what, apparently it was a decision I had made.

As hard as it may be to admit (I would never say it out loud, writing makes it easier for me to express myself more eloquently, and gives me the safety of being incognito ) every little inconvenience or obstacle I have come across has been somewhat of a mixture of bad luck, timing, fate and my own decisions. Decisions that i am sure with the rise of emotion have not been the best weighed.

Just to drift off for a bit , i fell in love with this quote today because it describes what i have been thinking and feeling for this week. "A modern beauty can not be defined by her perfect proportions; in fact she can not be defined at all, nor can she be stereotyped.. This is the reason why, to me beauty is different, we see it - we love it and want a piece of it - once we try to define it - it disappears in the air." 



Now back to my topic.

Back to the expose of thoughts and the year leading to midnight tomorrow.

Maybe Ive found myself in more than one situation hesitant, lost , confused. I could go on and use every single possible synonym but much benefit that would give me. there is sitll a long way on the journey i have mapped out for myself. mind you this journey has been tweaked, adjusted completely changed in my lifetime. Every day that passes is just another oppurtunity for new idea, for creative trouble and for the chance to do it right again.

I am blessed with the most beautiful and supportive family anyone (In my opinion) could have. We have clashed quite often, but i think its part of the realisation that human nature has never reached perfections. but you know you are blessed once you can overlook these imperfections and still unconditionally love the person right infront of you. 

That is the message i would remind my kid self all through out. I have had moments where that message had been forgotten and Like a Life-blind person tried to feel my way back to it. felt my way back with fights, hurt, pain until eventually i found the correct door knob that turned into happiness. or at least my version of happiness.

Contentment.

tomorrow night i am jetting off home. back to Beirut, back to where i feel at ease. Abu Dhabi had always been a home to me but recently the number one spot has been filled with Beirut, and Abu dhabi takes 2nd to it.

I can go and on. but these are my thoughts theyre spilling over, And i am worried that i may say my inner most feelings, and those are private. maybe i can write some more tomorrow.

but first let me mull on my last day being 22.


all the cosmic love xoxoxo

Fearless